Defiance
by Gmariam
Summary: Spring, 1979: When both their love and their lives are tested by Dark magic, James Potter and Lily Evans must defy Voldemort for the first of more confrontations to come during the first Wizarding War. Winner, Mugglenet Fanfiction Quicksilver Quill for Best Marauder Story.
1. Chapter One: James

Chapter One - James

It started without warning: one moment we were approaching a dodgy old wizarding pub on the north side of Liverpool, hoping to intercept an important message between two suspected Death Eaters, and the next we were fighting for our lives.

"It's a trap!" I shouted, raising my wand against the masked men who had unexpectedly surrounded us. We were quickly forced backwards into a dark alley, six Death Eaters pressing us hard. "Get behind me!" I could imagine them leering at us behind their masks. Was Avery one of them? Mulciber? Snape?

"I'm fine!" Lily shouted back as the battle began. She blocked the first curse easily, then cast her own at the largest of the brutes, grinning when he toppled over, legs locked stiff as a board. Even better: he hit his head on the ground with a resounding crack and would likely be down for a while.

"I'm fine, too, thanks for asking," called Sirius from my right. He took down another Death Eater and grinned, grey eyes flashing. It was still a dangerous situation, and I knew I shouldn't be enjoying it, but I couldn't help it: I grinned back.

Until I heard Lily's cry of pain, and the ring of Dante Avery's infuriating laughter.

Lily doubled over, clutching a bloody gash on her hip, and I felt my heart stop as I turned toward her. Sirius jumped in front of me to shield us both. "Are you all right?" I demanded, suddenly worried that this would be the fight we couldn't win, the battle we couldn't escape: the first and last time we failed.

She stood up slowly, back straight and green eyes filled with both pain and determination. "No, but I will be. We need to finish this first."

Merlin, she was strong. I grabbed her arm and pulled her toward me, careful of her injury and ignoring the jet of red light that snaked around Sirius and just missed us. "You're amazing," I told her, kissing her hard even as another spell crashed to the pavement behind us. "Marry me."

"What?" she asked. She pulled away, eyes wide in shock.

"What?" echoed Sirius, glancing over his shoulder in surprise.

"Not you," I snapped at him. "Sod off, Padfoot, I'm trying to propose."

Lily doubled over again, only this time she was apparently laughing. Sirius snorted as he turned back to the Death Eaters closing in on us, then swore as a Stinging Hex caught him on the forearm. He sent back a furious Impediment Jinx at the Death Eater who had hit him, sending him flying backward into a collection of rubbish bins.

I knew I should feel insulted by both of their reactions, but the intensity of the moment and the sheer impulsiveness of the words that had just popped out of my mouth suddenly hit me, and I grinned as well. I didn't laugh, though, because I meant it.

"I'm serious," I said when she stood up straight again. I cast a quick spell to relieve the pain of her injury. Sirius continued to shield us from the three remaining Death Eaters moving toward us. "And not because we're in the middle of another fight for our lives. I love you and I always want to be by your side."

"He's not bad in a pinch, Evans!" offered Sirius. He was concentrating on the nearest attacker, but still turned to wink at her. "And the rest of us approve." The distraction cost him: a brutal Cutting Curse caught him in the leg, and he stumbled badly. I barely caught him as Avery laughed once again.

Lily narrowed her eyes, raised her wand, and Stunned Dante Avery before I even had a chance to step forward.

"Then again, maybe he needs you more," Sirius remarked through gritted teeth. I had one arm around him to keep him upright. "Nice one, Lily."

"Thank you," she replied. She kissed me before turning back to the remaining two fighters. We took them quickly, leaving behind a street filled with unconscious enemies.

"Now, about that question," she said, turning to where I was still supporting Sirius. He glanced back and forth between us.

"Am I in the middle of something?" he murmured, trying to sound light, though his eyes were pinched with pain.

She laughed. "Don't worry, Sirius. I'm used to it. And at least you'll be the first to know."

"Is that a yes?" he asked. I held my breath for her answer.

She kissed me again, throwing her arms around my neck. "It is indeed. We're getting married."

"Brilliant," he replied. "I'll be there. Best man, right?"

"Of course," I replied, still a bit amazed at what had just happened. I had never intended to propose that way, but then again, it did seem that our relationship was full of those impulsive moments: sneaking out to Hogsmeade sixth year, our first kiss in the prefects' lounge seventh year. Even our first official date had been a spur-of-the moment picnic in the Come and Go room.

"Let's go," I said. "You both need St. Mungo's, and Dumbledore needs a report."

"And I need to congratulate the happy couple," said a voice behind us. We whirled, and to my everlasting horror he was there: Lord Voldemort, flanked by three more Death Eaters.

Sirius immediately raised his wand, but Voldemort flicked his wrist, and Sirius was ripped from my arms, crashing into the wall of the building ten feet behind us. I brought my wand up as Lily took a step toward Sirius, but we were both frozen in our places as Voldemort advanced toward us, batting our wands away like toys.

His face was hideous: his eyes were blood-shot and red, his skin pale and waxy. His nose was flat and misshapen, black hair shot through with white, and his thin lips were pulled back in a sneer. He felt unmistakably _evil_, and I couldn't help but shudder in spite of the Freezing Charm he'd placed on us. I glanced sideways at Lily, and found her returning my gaze, eyes wide.

Voldemort stopped in front of us, his Death Eaters deferentially hovering behind him. He waved his wand, releasing the spell he'd cast, then bound us instead with white ropes that immediately felt warm right through my clothing. His intent was clear: he was going to torture us before killing us. My only thought was how to get Lily out of there. Suddenly getting married did not seem nearly as important as surviving.

Another twist of the dark wizard's hand and I found that I could talk, as if he wanted to hear me beg. "Leave her alone," I spat, but he merely raised his pale eyebrows, a dangerous smile pulling at his lips. "Let her go."

"Oh, I have no intention of hurting you," he replied, and his voice was oddly hypnotic, so that I almost felt compelled to listen. "At least, not until we've had a chance to talk."

"Then why the ropes?" Lily demanded.

He didn't even look at her. The ropes glowed red in response, causing her to gasp in pain as the heat burned through her clothing. "Stop it!" I cried.

"I merely wanted to be certain you would listen," Voldemort replied, leaning close. "I have an offer for you, one you would be wise to consider."

"We don't want anything from you," I said, staring at him defiantly. "And there is nothing you can do to make us."

"So certain of that, are we?" Voldemort murmured. He walked away and said something to one of the Death Eaters who had accompanied him. The robed figure strode up to Lily and took her arm, dragging her away as I shouted at him to stop. He was not rough, however, and for some reason I had my suspicions. He stopped a few feet in front of me, his wand held to her side. She glared at him in return.

"What do you want?" I ground out, understanding the implication. Lily shook her head, but I would not see her harmed, not if I could stop it. Nothing mattered except for her.

Voldemort returned to stand before me; I could feel his rotten breath on my face and tried not to recoil. I took a deep breath and looked into his eyes so he would know I was not afraid.

"I want you, James Potter." He paused, perhaps to let me answer, but I didn't understand, and could only shake my head in confusion. He leaned closer, whispering in my ear.

"Join me, James," he said, and I immediately felt the bile rise in my throat at the very thought. "You are a pure-blood, and you are strong. We could use you in our fight to restore the wizarding world to what it once was."

I couldn't help my reaction: I looked at him and laughed, and it was probably the worst thing I could have done, because his face began to morph into something even uglier than before: disgusted and angry, perhaps even shocked that I would refuse. I was in trouble, but I would have my say first.

"You must be mad," I said, catching my breath. "I would never, to my last dying breath, join you. I don't believe in you or anything you stand for. You're insane to even think I'd consider it," I repeated.

Voldemort simply inclined his head, raised his wand, and cried, "_Crucio_!"

Lily fell to the ground, screaming in agony. I struggled toward her, but the ropes that bound me burned through my clothing and into my skin with every move. "Leave her alone!" I shouted, unable to bear the sound and sight of her torment, but willing myself not to look away like a coward. "If it's me you want, then take me."

Voldemort released the spell, and Lily lay in a heap, breathing heavily. The Death Eater guarding her glanced down as if surprised at the suddenness of the attack, then at Voldemort, who shook his head slightly. The man stepped back reluctantly.

"No James, I know you. I know your type." Voldemort began to circle me, like a dragon circling its prey. "You're getting married! You don't want to see her suffer." He paused to let his words sink in. "You would do anything for her."

"I would," I breathed, watching her with tears in my eyes. "Anything."

"Join me." Two simple words. Direct. Undeniable.

"No."

"You won't regret it." Voldemort stepped back and opened his arms, as if inviting me to into his sick, twisted vision. "We will forge a world better than any before us, where wizards rule with power, not cower in silence. Where pure-bloods are acknowledged as the rightful heirs to magic and Mudbloods know their place as baseborn inferiors."

"That's my fiancée you're talking about," I snapped. "A Muggle-born and the strongest, smartest witch in our year."

Voldemort turned back toward Lily and nodded at the Death Eater standing beside her. The masked man tried to pull her up, but she threw off his arm and rose on her own. Her lip was bleeding where she had likely bitten it, and she was holding her injured hip with a grimace, but her eyes blazed as she stared at Voldemort with fierce defiance.

Now he circled her, stopping to take her chin in his hands, studying her face, her eyes, her hair. "Powerful, but her blood is still impure," Voldemort finally said. "Leave her. You should mate with a woman who is worthy, who will bear you pure-blood heirs. Who will continue the Potter line with honor."

Lily twisted her head away, but he forced her eyes back to him. She looked terrified, and I struggled again against the ropes, ignoring the heat cutting through my clothes into my skin.

"Don't touch her!" I shouted. "Leave her alone."

"You are worthless, Lily Evans," he murmured, and her face slowly crumpled. "A Mudblood. You would bring shame upon any wizard who would have you. You should have never thought otherwise." A tear fell down her cheek, and I was more scared than I had been yet. How could she believe him? He was nothing, and she was everything.

Voldemort gave a low laugh and finally walked away from her. "I will not ask again. Join me," he said, his voice short and to the point. "Or you will both die."

"Then we die," I answered without hesitation

"You fight a losing battle," he said, almost sounding curious now. "With a woman who is not your equal. Why do you resist?"

"Because we can," I replied.

Voldemort studied me, red eyes narrowed to a slit, as if reading my mind. A part of me wanted to force him out, but another part wanted him to see that there was nothing inside me that would join him. Ever. He seemed to sense that, for he began to nod.

"James Potter, you are a fool…but fools can be broken."

He raised his arm, and I knew another curse was coming, but without warning Voldemort's wand flew from his hand, and he spun around with a growl. Sirius was on his knees, wand weakly raised in front of him. With an exhausted grin he sent another spell at me, releasing the burning ropes around my upper body, and I looked wildly for my wand as the furthest Death Eater cast a Severing Charm spell at me. It just barely caught my shoulder as I ducked and rolled toward my wand.

I grabbed it and cast a spell at Lily from where I lay, undoing the ropes that bound her as well. But she just stood there, gazing at me with a look on her face I couldn't read, didn't understand, but knew was wrong, all wrong. "Lily!" I shouted as I stood once more, blocking another curse. "Get your wand!"

Voldemort had Summoned his wand, and Sirius lay still and silent once more. There was no way I could hope to defeat Voldemort by myself, especially not with Lily standing as if in a trance. Yet for some reason he stood back and allowed the three Death Eaters who had accompanied him to approach me on their own, as if he merely wished to watch them weaken me before moving in for the final kill. I parried curses as fast as I could, finally hitting one of my opponents with a Full-Body Bind Curse. He collapsed, and it distracted the man next to him enough that I caught him with an Impediment Jinx right to the chest.

The third man finally moved forward and slashed the air with his wand; blood spouted from my upper thigh and I staggered. The sight of it seemed to bring Lily to her senses, and she finally stepped forward and caught the last Death Eater in the back with a Stunning Spell. He fell face first to the ground, and I could see long, black hair trailing down his neck. Lily frowned at the body, her defenses down, and Voldemort cast a spell, pulling her toward him as if with an invisible rope.

"I am impressed. I will have you, James Potter-one way or another!" He laughed cruelly as Lily watched me with dead eyes, his wand at her throat. "If she is that important to you, then you must find her-see if she is worth it."

I was injured, tired, and weak, but I shouted my defiance as I leapt toward him and grabbed onto his cloak before he Apparated away. I was certain to be Splinched, if not killed instantly, but I could not let him take her.

We were supposed to get married, after all-and nothing would stop us, not even him.

Voldemort stumbled as we reappeared. I went rolling to the ground, grinding my teeth in pain as I scrambled away. My right foot was Splinched, and it was bad. I'd known it would happen, but I had to chance it. He couldn't have her.

I forced myself to stand and face him once more, though I could feel my leg wanting to give way beneath me. Voldemort nodded. "Interesting," he murmured. "You've made your choice then-let's see how long you can live with it." He held his wand to Lily's throat, and a jet of pale blue light seeped into her skin. She shuddered, falling unconscious in his arms. He let her fall to the ground.

"No!" I cried. I began casting curses at him, but he blocked them easily and fired in return, forcing me backwards spell by spell. We were on a windy cliff somewhere, anywhere, and the edge was quickly growing nearer and nearer. His spells were strong; how I managed to block any of them I had no idea. I was quickly growing exhausted.

"Lily!" I shouted, hoping she could hear me over the sound of our furious duel. She had regained consciousness and was sitting on the ground, head between her knees as if she were sick, but when I called her name, she glanced up and frowned, a terrified look on her face.

"Get out of here!" I yelled. "Get to St. Mungo's, I'll meet you there!" I knew perfectly well I was in no shape to Apparate, but I had to tell her something, make her leave. I was going to die on that cliff and I did not want her to be there. I glanced behind me: ten feet to the edge. I was determined to end it on my own terms; perhaps I might even survive the fall.

"You cannot win, Potter," Voldemort said, his voice infuriatingly calm. "Surrender or you will die, one way or another."

"I would rather die," I grated out, gasping for breath.

"Then I have already helped you achieve your goal," he replied enigmatically. I raised my wand. This was it. I was going to die.

I stepped to the brink of the cliff as Lily stood up. Her eyes widened when she saw me on the edge of the precipice; she knew what I meant to do. I desperately wanted to give her one last smile, but I did not let my face betray my plan. I only hoped she would understand.

Yet I should have known she would not let me: Lily finally stepped forward and cried, "_Expulso_!"

The ground in front of Voldemort violently exploded, showering him with debris. He whirled on Lily, but she ran past him and crashed into me. We hurled over the side of the cliff, a jet of red light disappearing over the waters stretched out beneath us. We plunged toward the rocky surf below, but Lily shut her eyes, twisted with all her might, and we Disapparated, clinging fiercely to one another but alive.

**End Notes:**

Thank you to Lea for reading this over and my flist for answering questions as I wrote. This is a bit different than most of the Hogwarts-era James/Lily stories I've written (and I still have quite a few more to share), so I hope you are not frightened away. Reviews are so, so appreciated when an author tries something different!


	2. Chapter Two: Lily

Chapter Two - Lily

We landed hard in the waiting area of St. Mungo's.

We remained on the floor in shock, our breathing heavy, our bodies still intertwined from Apparating. My eyes were closed as I lay with my arms around James, and in spite of the pain I felt all over my body, I did not want to let go. Somehow, we had not only escaped, but we had survived.

Yet the terrible feeling I had felt building on the cliff began to grow. I felt sick and weak as a horrible compulsion began to snake its way through my thoughts, an impulse that grew stronger and stronger. I began to struggle against both the force in my mind and James's arms, but he held me tight, murmuring soft words to calm me. I pushed him away, a wild fear in my heart as my wand seemed to rise on its own. Then another set of strong arms gripped me from behind and several Healers appeared to help us.

I continued to struggle, kicking and flailing; I was both trying to get to him and get away. I screamed hysterically, but I know they could not understand me because I could hardly understand myself, and finally one of the Healers finally placed his wand at my neck and murmured a spell that made me instantly limp.

We were placed on two stretchers and levitated to the emergency ward. I could hear the Healers asking me questions, but I didn't know what to tell them. I couldn't look at James. I shut my eyes, hoping the Sedation Spell calmed the impulse building again with every thought of him.

"What did you do to her? Is she all right?" James asked. "Is she alive?"

"Yes, she's alive," I heard someone reply. "We just had to calm her. She's in shock, as are you. It's a wonder you're sitting and talking. Drink this." He must have accepted the goblet they offered him, for I heard him take a deep drink. "Now lie down and tell us what happened."

I squeezed my eyes shut tighter, unable to even think about what we had just been through. "My friend is still out there," said James instead. "He's hurt."

"Where?" they asked.

"Sirius," James murmured. "Tell Dumbledore…You Know Who…" James must have lost consciousness, for he did not answer. I finally opened my eyes.

"He's in Liverpool," I whispered, struggling against the Sedation Spell to turn my head away from James. "Find Albus Dumbledore, he'll know where. And please get me out of here."

"We need to treat your injuries first," said the Healer. "Just relax, you'll be fine."

"No," I said. "You don't understand. I can't be with him."

The Healer glanced at James and frowned. "Did he hurt you?"

"No!" I exclaimed. I was growing agitated, and it seemed to be affecting the Sedation Spell as I could move my limbs more with each passing moment. I wouldn't be able to fight it much longer.

"I can't be in the same room with him," I said, forcing myself to sit up. The Healer looked surprised. "I'll hurt him."

"You're in shock," he replied, trying to help me back down, but I snarled and pushed him away, my ability to fight it almost gone as I practically fell from the bed and staggered toward the door, desperate to get away. My body unwillingly moved toward James instead, and my wand was out, and the Healers were shouting, and then I blacked out and remembered no more.

* * *

"Is he gone?" I whispered to the room, my eyes still closed. "Tell me he isn't here. Tell me I didn't hurt him."

"If you're talking about James," replied a slightly sarcastic voice, "then no, he isn't here. He's still downstairs, and he's sleeping."

I breathed a sigh of relief as I opened my eyes. I was in my own small room, and it was light, and Sirius was standing at the foot of the bed with his arms across his chest. "Good afternoon, sunshine."

He was upset. I could tell. He didn't understand, and at that moment I didn't know if I had to strength to tell him and make him understand. I closed my eyes again and curled up on myself, trying not to think about James and trying not to sob.

He was at my side instantly, sitting on the bed next to me and touching my arm tenderly. Sirius Black was a passionate man, but his passions were quick to change. He cared fiercely about those close to him, and I was lucky to be counted among those people.

"Hey, I'm sorry, Evans-Lily." He stroked my hair as the tears began to fall. "What's wrong? I know something happened. Can you tell me?"

I opened my eyes and shook my head. He reached down and pulled me into an embrace. "Whatever it was, it's not your fault, Lily. You have to tell us what happened out there so we can help you."

I nodded, trying not to think about it as I brushed the hair from my face. I'm sure I looked a fright, but it was the least of my worries. "Is James all right?"

"He's doing fine," he said soothingly, helping me lay back. "He had a few scrapes and Splinched himself pretty badly, but they've fixed him up and he's resting now."

"And you?" I asked. "How did you get away?" I was relieved to know James was all right, but I couldn't talk about him for long. Even that simple question had brought the twisted thoughts in my mind roaring to the surface.

Sirius winked, oblivious to the conflict within me. "Thanks for finally asking. I came to before any of the other goons you two left me with-"

"Oh, Sirius!" I said, shaking my head with renewed guilt. "I'm sorry, butwe had no choice. Voldemort took me and James just grabbed him and followed-"

"I know," he laughed. "I'm kidding. But I was very lucky to wake up before any of them, so I cast a Disillusionment Charm on myself, then limped as far as I could before sending a Patronus. Remus and Peter found me, though the Death Eaters had Disapparated by the time they went back to the alley."

"So they all got away," I murmured, thinking of how many Death Eaters could be sitting in Azkaban at that moment, including Severus.

"As did the three of us," replied Sirius. "And right now, that's what matters. But I'm still not sure what happened after Voldemort hit me. Are you ready to tell me?"

I was silent. I gazed around the room, anywhere but at Sirius. A part of me wanted to tell him, but a part of me felt unclean, unwhole, ashamed. How could I tell him that I had tried to kill his best friend?

"Where are Remus and Peter?" I asked instead. "And Dumbledore, has he been here? Did you tell him it was a trap?"

"Peter is on an assignment with Benjy. Remus is with James." He gave me a very pointed look. "And yes, I've talked to Dumbledore. Now talk to me."

I gazed into his grey eyes and saw nothing but sympathy and concern. And yet, it broke my heart to be sitting there with him, when I should be recovering from our ordeal at James's side. The thought that I could never see James again slowly began to sink in, and I had to tell someone, so he knew why. I took a deep breath.

"I think…I think Voldemort did something to me," I finally murmured, still trying to understand the strange compulsion I felt growing within me. I could see Sirius stiffen from the implication. "No, not like that…a spell."

"What kind of spell?" he asked, his voice both understanding and hard.

I shook my head as I wiped my eyes, willing the tears away. "I think he cursed me, only I've never heard of such a thing. It's too horrible to even say…"

I was silent, suddenly unable to put to words what had happened, the terrible things I'd felt and done since Voldemort had been in my mind. Sirius watched me, then gradually began to talk for me. "Does it have something to do with James?" I nodded and he continued. "With why you tried to attack him downstairs and can't be in the same room with him?"

I hung my head in shame. It must seem ridiculous. No one would ever believe me. "Sirius," I whispered. "I think I've been cursed to kill him."

He went very still. "You mean, like being Imperiused?"

"No," I said. My hands were shaking, and I took another deep breath to calm myself. "Someone who is Imperiused doesn't necessarily know they've been cursed. I know it. I can feel it. But I can't stop it."

"Stop what?" he asked warily.

"The impulse to kill him." My voice broke, and he took my hand. "I love him, and yet every time I think of him, it's like there is this voice whispering to me that he must die, and I must kill him."

"Voldemort's voice?" he asked.

"Not exactly," I replied. "Just another thought wrapped up with the memory. And when I saw him when we got back to St. Mungo's, I couldn't control it. I couldn't stop it in the emergency ward. I can't help it," I repeated. "You have to believe me."

He pulled me into another embrace. "Of course I believe you, Lily. Don't worry about that."

"What am I going to do?" I whispered. "I can't ever see him again. I can't even say goodbye-I'll try to hurt him again."

"Don't think like that," he replied, and I could tell he was trying to be strong for my sake. But clearly he'd never heard of such a thing either, and he was obviously distressed. "We'll figure something out. Dumbledore will know what to do. You'll see James again-you're supposed to get married, remember?"

I pulled back and stared at him. "We can't get married now, Sirius!" I exclaimed. "I told you, I can't talk to him, I can't see him. Ever. And there's nothing anyone can do, it's over, I'll have to…leave the country or something…" I trailed off as the full magnitude of what Voldemort had done began to sink in. Even talking about James was difficult: I felt the pull in the back of my mind, the need to see him dead. I knew it would take over the moment I saw him, and that I wouldn't be able to resist it. And yet I also knew that even if I ran away, it would wear me down and force me to find him, like an addict seeking out the next potion as his body craved more and his mind lost the ability to fight back.

I panicked: throwing off the covers, I tried to get out of bed, determined to get as far away from James as possible to protect him for as long as I could, but Sirius held me back. I pushed him away and began to gather my things. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw him motion for a Healer, and soon there were two, offering me a Calming Draught. I was too upset to take it, though, until Sirius once again took me in his arms and let me sob. Then he offered me the goblet, and I drank it, and I felt the strange disconnected feeling of my panic slowly subsiding.

But the curse was still there, just tinged with a greater sorrow than I'd ever known.

**End Notes**

Thank you again to Lea for looking this over! And a belated thank you to Jess for helping me plot.


	3. Chapter Three: James

Chapter Three - James

I woke slowly, confused and disoriented and unbearably stiff and sore. I glanced around the room, my thoughts immediately on Lily, but the bed next to me was empty. In fact, I was completely alone, and I sat up in sudden fear, my heart racing, my breath coming in sudden gasps as I fought for air to hold back the panic threatening to engulf me.

Remus burst into the room, followed by two Healers. I don't know why, but I fought them, trying to get out of bed and get to Lily, wherever she was. Something was wrong, I was certain. I felt like a mad man, I was so overwhelmed with worry and the desperate need to see her and know she was all right.

"She's not here, James," Remus said, holding me back. I felt a wand at my neck and heard one of the Healers murmuring a spell. I went limp, and they helped me back up on the bed. I could still talk, but my limbs were heavy as lead.

"Where is she?" I demanded. "She made it back, she saved me. She can't be dead-Remus, tell me she's not dead!"

"She's alive, James," Remus soothed. "She woke up not long before you. She's…just not here, that's all."

"Why?" I stared at him. "What happened? How long have I been out? Where's Sirius? Is he-"

Remus looked ready to silence me with a spell, but merely held up his hand. "First of all, Sirius is fine-Pete and I found him. Second, you've been asleep most of the day recovering from your injuries. You Splinched your foot pretty badly. From what Lily told us, you did both a brave and stupid thing grabbing hold of Vold-" One of the Healers glanced at him, wide-eyed. "-You-Know-Who like that. But somehow you managed to stay with him, fight him, and get out of there alive." Remus shook his head in amazement. "You don't know how lucky you are, Prongs. You should be dead."

"He didn't want me dead," I whispered as it all began to come back to me.

"What do you mean?" Remus asked, but I shook my head, unwilling to discuss it in front of the Healers.

"Has anyone talked to Dumbledore?" I asked instead. "Does he know what happened?"

"I am here," said a voice from the door. I turned my sluggish head to where Albus Dumbledore stood, looking very grave. "I had hoped to find you up and about today, and I see the Healers were indeed correct in their estimation of your healing ability."

Dumbledore came to stand next to the bed. "Good morning, James. How are you feeling?"

I felt wretched in every way, but I couldn't say that. "Better, sir. Thank you."

He nodded as if he knew perfectly well I wasn't telling the truth. "Remus is right. You are indeed most fortunate. Do you feel up to telling me what happened?" He nodded at the Healers, who left the room, shutting the door behind them.

"Have you spoken to Lily, sir?" I asked first.

"I have, but I'd like to hear from you as well. She is a bit…confused." Dumbledore paused before that last word, frowning. I knew something was wrong, but I also sensed this wasn't the time to ask.

"We were following Peter's lead in Liverpool, sir. Just as you'd directed us-sneak in, intercept the message, make the connection between the Lestranges and the Rosiers. Only we never made it to the pub where they were supposed to meet: it was a trap. We were attacked in the street." I grimaced just thinking about it.

"Go on," said Dumbledore.

I told him about the brief skirmish, leaving out my impromptu proposal to Lily. Remus gave me a curious look; no doubt Sirius had already told him, if Lily hadn't said something herself. But I had a bad feeling about something, and didn't want to think about it just yet.

"And then Voldemort arrived." I paused, frowning. "Do you think it was a deliberate set up-for us, I mean? But how would he know we'd be the ones sent to Liverpool?"

"Indeed, how would he know?" murmured Dumbledore. "And why would you think so?"

I swallowed hard, strangely nervous to confess the rest, as if I had done something wrong by being offered a place at Voldemort's side. Of course I hadn't. I had refused. And yet I felt tainted, somehow. Unclean, unwhole. What did he see in me that he wanted?

"He asked me to join him, sir." Dumbledore did not betray any surprise; in fact, he simply nodded. Remus looked shocked, and perhaps a little disgusted.

"Continue," he said.

"You're not surprised," I accused him. "Why?"

Dumbledore merely raised an eyebrow. "He has been attempting to recruit others to his cause for months, even years. It seemed only a matter of time before he approached someone of your heritage and ability. Your family name is well respected, after all."

"But he must know that I fight for the Order!" I protested. "How could he possibly think I'd betray that?"

"Voldemort does not recognize nor value the more positive aspects of human nature," Dumbledore replied. "He believes only in power and in fear."

"I don't understand," I murmured.

"Voldemort simply cannot comprehend why any self-respecting pure-blood would not want to wield power over his or her inferiors," Dumbledore said. "And he believes fear will bring him that power. I imagine he attempted to frighten you into joining him if you refused, whether through torture or other means."

"Through Lily," I murmured, and Dumbledore nodded.

"He does not understand that there are things worth dying for, whether it is for loyalty or for love. Or is some cases, both." Dumbledore studied him over the top of his spectacles. "You've made an enemy today, James. You refused to join him, you fought him, and you managed to escape. He may not ask you to join him again: he may only seek to destroy you."

"Brilliant," I muttered. As if things weren't bad enough, I had now made a personal enemy of Voldemort himself. "What about Lily?" I asked. Dumbledore frowned, and I saw him exchange the slightest of glances with Remus. "What aren't you telling me? What's happened?"

"Nothing else has happened," Remus soothed once more. "She's fine. Her injuries have been healed. Only…" He trailed off; I grew angry.

"Dammit, Remus, tell me what's going on!"

"She's not herself, James," Dumbledore said softly. "I'm not yet sure what's happened to her exactly, but we'll do everything we can to help her."

"What do you mean?" I demanded.

"Sirius told us you proposed," Remus replied with a sigh. "Only Lily shook her head when we tried to congratulate her. She said it was off, that she couldn't possibly marry you. In fact she said…she said she can't ever see you again." He looked guilty for having to even mention it.

"Why would she change her mind?" I whispered, my heart beginning to pound in fear once more.

"I was hoping you might be able to tell us more about what happened exactly," Dumbledore replied, leaning forward. "Something else that might explain her sudden shift in character."

I shook my head, searching my brain for something.

"He tortured her," I said. "He used the Cruciatus Curse. He called her a Mudblood, told her she wasn't worthy enough to marry me and that she would shame anyone who would have her." I shook my head in denial. "But Lily's stronger than that. She's never let it get to her before. She wouldn't change her mind now because some crazy bastard told her to."

Dumbledore exchanged another glance with Remus. "Stop it!" I said. "Tell me what you're thinking."

"I'll go see her," Remus murmured instead, starting toward the door.

"No, I want see her," I said, but my limbs were still sluggish from the Sedation Spell the Healers had used to calm me down.

"I don't think that's a good idea, James," said Dumbledore very softly.

"Why?" I demanded. Remus glanced at us, Dumbledore nodded, and he left without another word. What the hell was going on?

"What aren't you telling me?" I asked again, as Dumbledore sat in thoughtful silence. He took off his spectacles and pinched the bridge of his nose, a rare sign of frustration.

"James, I'm not sure yet. I need to know more." He pierced me with his blue eyes. "Are you quite certain Voldemort didn't do or say anything else?"

I tried to think of anything I had left out. "He touched her face, really stared at her when he was calling her a Mudblood. She tried to turn away, but he forced her back. She cried. I remember being surprised, because Lily doesn't cry often."

"No, she does not." Dumbledore frowned even more. "What happened next?"

"We fought back, and that's when he took her and said to come after her. So I grabbed his cloak as they Apparated. That's how I got Splinched."

"Foolish but brave," he mumbled, and I felt slightly defensive.

"I'm sorry, sir, but I couldn't let him just take her like that."

"No, I imagine you couldn't," Dumbledore replied with a small smile. "Though there would have been other ways for us to find her. What did he do when you arrived at your destination?"

My fuzzy memory started to clear. "He used some sort of spell on her, I don't know what it was. There was a blue light that sort of seeped into her, and she fell to the ground."

Dumbledore stood and began to pace. "You're sure it was blue?"

I nodded. "Why? What kind of spell was it?"

"How did you escape?" he asked, ignoring my question.

"Voldemort forced me to the edge of a cliff. Lily finally came around and pushed us over before he could kill me. She Apparated us here as we fell."

"And she tried to attack you when you returned?" he asked. I stared at him in shock.

"She was a bit…frantic when we returned, she pushed me away…" I trailed off at the look on his face. "Why?"

Dumbledore placed his hands behind his back. "James, you must trust me on this. Do not try and see Lily until we've figured this out."

"Figured what out?" I asked. Merlin's beard, they all were being evasive. What had happened? What had I missed?

"James, I must have your word on this," Dumbledore insisted. "You cannot see her. It isn't safe."

"No," I replied. "I love her and I'm going to marry her. And I won't stay away from her unless you tell me why. Is she sick?"

"No," said Dumbledore, and his voice was heavy. "I suspect she's been cursed."

I waited for the rest, though a grim thought had begun to form already; I could see in the sad lines of his face that it was true.

"She's been cursed by Voldemort to kill you, James."

* * *

The Healers gave me a potion to sleep that night. Before I drifted off, I managed to bully out of Remus that Lily was recovering in the Spell Damage ward three floors up. She was completely healed, except for the curse Dumbledore had mentioned that afternoon. She was physically fine, but terrified. She knew exactly what had happened to her: Voldemort had carefully woven it into her mind, leaving her aware but incapable of stopping it.

If she saw me, she would kill me.

It was an odd feeling, knowing the woman I loved would try to take my life the next time I saw her. I knew it was the curse, some sort of Dark Magic the Healers were still struggling to understand and reverse, yet a part of me refused to believe she was capable of such a thing. I wasn't afraid of dying: it was Lily I feared for, and the guilt and grief she would feel if it were happen.

I slept fitfully, my dreams rent with images too grim to dwell on. The future I had once looked forward to was suddenly dark, ripped from us both with one devastating spell. I finally woke in the middle of the night and tossed off my blankets, determined to do that very thing I was not supposed to do: see my fiancée. That's how I thought of her, because she had accepted my spontaneous proposal, after all. And after what we had been through, I was even more determined to see it happen.

I swung my legs over the side of the bed and was pleasantly surprised when my foot didn't scream in pain. Apparently my Splinching had healed reasonably well, although there would be a scar. It was still sore, and I limped to the chair where my robes lay. Tossing them on, I grabbed my wand and made my way to the door and into the dim hallway.

It was quiet. The Healer at the desk nearby was dozing in his chair, which allowed me to sneak up the stairs to the Spell Damage Ward. It was also dark and silent. I encountered only one other Healer, who asked me where I was going. When I told him I couldn't sleep because I'd been Splinched, he offered me a potion. I told him I just wanted to stretch my legs, get used to walking on my injured foot again, and he let me continue with a reminder to get my rest as well. It was easy.

I wandered about, looking for Lily. Remus had said she was actually being kept in a sort of quarantine, as if she were contagious. The thought seemed ridiculous, that she had to be locked up in order to keep me safe. I was not willing to live like that, and I knew, deep down, that she wouldn't want to either.

I finally found the small single room where she had been placed. I tried the door but it was obviously locked; it took several tries to get it opened. By then Lily had awakened. She was standing in the corner, refusing to look at me, cowering as if I frightened her. I realized it was not me she was afraid of: it was what she would be forced to do to me.

"Lily," I whispered, moving quietly into the dark room even as she edged further back into the corner. "Please, I have to see you. I have to talk you."

"Go away," she replied, and her voice was more strained than I had ever heard it. "You know what's going to happen. I know they told you. I can't control it."

"I don't care," I said, close to tears. "I can't live without you-"

"And I can't kill you!" she cried. "Don't make me do this, James. You have to leave, _now…_"

I could see her fighting the impulse to raise her wand. But even as one hand tried to pull it down, still it refused to obey, until it was pointed at my heart. She looked at me with fear in her eyes.

"Go, James. Please."

"Dumbledore will find something, we have to give him time," I replied, shaking my head as I moved toward her. "We can fight this together. I love you, Lily." Looking back, I do not think that I truly believed in the power of the curse that bound her. She couldn't really kill me, just as I could never imagine trying to kill her. But I could hear her teeth grinding as I stepped nearer and stopped. Her hand was shaking.

"I love you too, James," she said, her voice breaking. "And I'm sorry."

She cast a spell, a powerful spell. Not a Killing Curse; perhaps there was some part of her that was still in control, that resisted the pull and kept her from that using that fatal spell. Instead she cast a strong Reductor Curse, blasting me backward through the doorway and destroying half the room. Alarms began to blare, though it could have been my ears ringing.

I groaned as I tried to get to my feet, but I couldn't stand upright. I lost consciousness, knowing deep down that I would probably never see her again.

**End Notes:**  
Thank you to Lea for reading this over!


	4. Chapter Four: Lily

Chapter Four - Lily

I ran from the room before the dust even settled, desperate to get away. I was cursed, but I had just destroyed my room at St. Mungo's and attacked my fiancée; I did not know how understanding the Department of Magical Law Enforcement would be of my case, in spite of Dumbledore's reassurances when he'd been to see me. And I could not look at James again, even to know if he was alive; I closed my eyes as I dashed through the hallway.

I hurried down the stairs, slowing only to catch my breath as I came to the first floor waiting room. The witch at the front desk had left her position when she'd heard the blast, so I hurried through the doors onto the silent street unbothered.

I promptly vomited into the gutter, sick with guilt at what I had done. I had tried so hard to resist, but it was impossible. Every thought I had of James was laced with the impulse to kill him, like a string tied around every memory of him that only grew tighter as I dwelled on them and tried to resist the pull.

Wiping my mouth, I stepped around the corner, glanced around the dark street, and Apparated to my small flat in Diagon Alley. I knew they would come looking for me soon, but I needed to change, get money, make a plan. I was now on the run, and I couldn't just leave my life behind without preparation.

Unfortunately, my flat was laced with memories of James: pictures on the wall, the book he'd given me for my birthday on the coffee table, even the jumper I'd worn on our last date together draped across the chair. I shook my head, screwing my eyes shut as the memories flooded my mind, bringing with them visions of death. How had it come to this? What kind of curse could do this to a person, force them to kill someone they loved?

Dumbledore had said it was not an Imperius Curse. It was much more, and much, much worse. I was actively aware of it, for one: I knew it was there, all the time. And it was not something I could throw off, no matter how hard I tried: I had already attempted to kill James twice. I did not know if I could resist a third attempt, and I would succeed, because I was strong enough to do it, and James would not fight back to defend himself. And that was the brilliance of Voldemort's plan.

As I changed my clothes and gathered the few things I'd need, I once more pondered the real reason Voldemort had done this to me-to us. He had asked James to join him; of course he had refused. Even after I'd been tortured, James had stood strong and refused to give in to Voldemort's demands. And that was when I first felt another presence in my mind, reading my thoughts and leaving new ones, trying to sow the seeds of doubt.

Mudblood. Even now it stung, like it had somehow never stung before.

But then Sirius had woken and joined the fight. I remembered James taking out two of the Death Eaters before I roused myself to Stun the third. I had suspected all along it was Severus, from the way he took my arm, the way he almost protectively stood by me. He may have joined the Death Eaters, but his instinct had been to avoid hurting me, even if he couldn't help me.

And then Voldemort had taken me, but James had followed. That had surprised him, I knew. He may have intended to curse me all along, but he had been forced to do it quickly on the cliff. Most likely he had hoped James would ransom himself for my life. Instead, James had fought back immediately and we had both escaped.

Now either James would come to him in order to lift the curse, or I would kill James and the curse would lift on its own. It was brilliant and tragic at the same time, and we were caught in the middle. If there was any other way out, I could only hope Severus might know. Perhaps he would not do it for James-he'd likely see him dead first-but he would help me. I knew it.

I heard a hard pounding at my door. "Lily! Lily, it's Remus. Are you there?" I stood still, waiting for him to leave. "Lily, I'm not here to arrest you or take you back. I'm here to help."

He waited, and I moved slowly to the door, debating whether or not to see him. He could not help me, no one could. I would only put others in danger if they tried. I wanted to know if James was okay…but even as I thought about him, the impulse to kill him strangled my fears, and I suspected he was alive at least, because the curse still wound itself through my thoughts.

I leaned against the door and took a deep breath, struggling with despair. "He's not with you, is he?"

"No," he answered. "Lily, please let me in. I want to help."

I opened the door and stood there for a moment before Remus stepped in and took me in his arms. I couldn't help but break down. I'd seen James, only to try and kill him once more. It seemed hopeless, and I knew Remus felt the same because he said nothing, just stroked my back, and I could feel his own heartbreak with mine.

"He's all right," he finally murmured, and I stiffened even thinking about it. I knew he was alive, because the curse had not lifted, and even the mention of it brought back the twisted compulsion to see him dead.

"Good," I managed to say, and Remus must have known how hard that was because he nodded and stepped away.

"What are you doing?" he asked, glancing at my clothing, my small bag. "You're not running away, are you?"

"I have to get away from here," I replied. "Before I really do kill him."

"You should go back," Remus replied, shaking his head. "Let the Healers help you. Let Dumbledore figure it out."

"I don't think there's anything they can do, Remus," I said. "Most of them have never heard of it. There is no cure for what he's done to me. Either Voldemort lifts the spell himself, or I have to kill James."

The look he gave me was filled with such pity that I almost started to sob again. Instead, I let the anger fill me, that Voldemort had done this to us-to me, to James. And with the anger came determination. I would not see James dead by my hands. If no one could help me, then I would go to the Dark Lord himself before James could.

"So where are you going?" he finally asked. I was silent, and he gave me that look I had seen him give James so many times: the grey-eyed glance that forced you to tell him something whether you wanted to or not. There had always been something both strong and trustworthy about Remus; he was a good friend to us both.

"I'm going to see Severus," I finally replied. "If anyone can help, he can."

"Lily!" he exclaimed. "He's a Death Eater now! He's not going to help you-"

"He will," I interrupted. "He was there in Liverpool and he didn't hurt me. If there's anything he can do, he will."

"He'll turn you over to Voldemort," Remus breathed. "And when James comes after you, you'll just be forced to kill him. For their…_entertainment_."

I stared at him; I had not given thought to that particular endgame. It was too gruesome to contemplate, that our lives were nothing more than a game now. Still, I had to do something.

"I have to try," I said. "I can't just sit and wait for it to overpower me. It will, Remus. You don't know what it's like."

"I know what it's like to fight something inside you," he replied softly. "Just like I know how it feels to be terrified of hurting the ones you love."

"It's one night a month, Remus!" I exclaimed, surprised he would use his condition against me. "You may be cursed at the full moon, but this is constant. It's not going to go away. I would rather go mad than kill James. Which is why I have to leave."

He must have seen the change in my thoughts, in my face. He nodded. "Then I'm coming with you." I started to argue, and he held up his hand. "No. I'm not going to let you go to Snape on your own. I don't trust him."

"Remus, Severus hates you," I protested. "All of you."

"I know," he replied. "But I'm still going with you. That way if he tries anything, I can curse his-"

I put my finger to his lips. "Thank you, but you won't have to."

"I don't know why you think you can trust him," Remus murmured.

"He was my friend, once." I replied. I could not admit that the smallest doubt did remain, and that Severus might be bound to bring me to Voldemort. But more than that, I feared he could simply do nothing for me. He knew Dark Magic, but Voldemort was far more powerful.

"Then I hope he can help us," Remus replied. "Though if he does, I'm never telling James. Where do we start?"

"We'll start where I met him: in Spinner's End."

* * *

Unfortunately, Severus no longer lived in the run-down cottage in Spinner's End near my own childhood home. His mother opened the door, took one look at me, and yelled at me that he'd moved out a month before. I asked where I might find him and she screeched at me to get off her doorstep before she hexed me.

She slammed the door in my face. I was tempted to knock again to ask where he lived now, but Remus dragged me away. "Let's try Knockturn Alley," he murmured. "The Hag's Rest."

"It's the middle of the night," I protested.

"Someone will be there," he replied. "And someone will know."

He had a grimly determined look on his face, and I sensed I was about to see a side of Remus I had not seen before.

The Hag's Rest was not unlike the Leaky Cauldron, only darker and with a far more…unscrupulous feeling to it. It was empty but for a handful of customers tucked into the corners, murmuring quietly, or in one corner, groping rather shamelessly. Remus lead us in and took a seat at the bar. The barman was old and withered and half asleep on a stool; he stumped over when Remus motioned to him, obviously irritated that we had the nerve to ask for service at this time of night.

"Gillywater and a shot of Firewhisky, please," he said softly, placing far too much money on the bar. "And an answer."

The barman narrowed his eyes suspiciously as he took the coins. "Depends on the question," he muttered, setting out two grungy glasses.

Remus shrugged nonchalantly. "We're looking for someone."

"Then it depends on who you're looking for," the barman snapped. He poured a shot of Firewhisky for Remus and set about mixing my gillywater.

Remus raised an eyebrow. "Severus Snape. Do you know him?"

The barman grinned, his teeth crooked and yellow. "That I do, but it'll cost you more money."

Remus took a sip of his drink, set it down without reaction, and placed another coin on the table. The barman took it and handed me my drink. "So what do you need Snape for?"

"A potion." Remus swirled his Firewhisky before glancing up. "I've heard he's rather gifted at some of the more…delicate concoctions."

"I wouldn't know about that," the man snorted. "He's a righteous git though, so I'm not surprised. And I have no problem telling you he's got a room upstairs. Been here a month and not paid me once, so this'll help."

Remus merely inclined his head as he sipped at his Firewhisky once more. He gave the man another coin, and the barman grinned, tapping it on the bar before he turned away. I stared at Remus until it was safe to talk.

"Remus, that was amazing!" I whispered. "Whenever did you learn to be so…devious?"

He shrugged and stood up. "I've been here with Peter once or twice. Can't say I like it, but you have to do what you have to do. Let's go."

I gulped down my gillywater and followed him toward the stairs. One of the booths in the corner turned to watch us, but Remus ignored them and they went back to whatever they were doing in their shadowy corner; I didn't want to know.

There was a long, dark corridor upstairs from the pub. "How do we know what room is his?" I whispered. "Knock on every door and apologize for waking them up?"

"And get hexed for it?" Remus laughed mirthlessly. "No, the barman said it was number three. Let's go."

"When did he say that?" I asked, because I was fairly certain the barman had said no such thing.

"He didn't. He tapped the bar three times with the last coin I gave him." He came to the door. "Well, you're up. He'll jinx me if I knock. At least you've got a chance."

I took a deep breath, stepped forward, and knocked softly. There was a long silence before I heard footsteps and the door was opened a crack. A familiar long nose appeared, black eyes studying me shrewdly.

"Lily?" said Severus, sounding surprised. "What are you doing here?" He opened the door, glanced around, and ushered me inside. Remus followed, and Snape froze when he recognized him. "What's _he_ doing here?"

"It's okay," I replied. "We're not here to hurt you. I need your help."

Severus sneered at Remus, who glared back with equal hatred. "You couldn't hurt me if you tried," he said, mostly addressing Remus.

"I'd love to, but that's not why I really came. Listen to her." Remus stepped back to the door, crossing his hands over his chest as if guarding the scene. Severus sighed and turned back to me.

"I can't help you," he said. "You must know that."

"Severus, please." I almost reached out for his hand, before thinking better of it. "I wouldn't be here if I didn't have anywhere else to turn. I know we haven't talked-"

"For years," he practically spat, turning away. "Lily, you shouldn't have come. You're on _his_ side now. We're enemies."

"We were friends once," I whispered. "I need your help."

He stared at me a long time. "With what?" he finally asked.

"I've been cursed," I told him. "With Dark Magic."

He narrowed his eyes. "Have you spoken to Dumbledore about this?"

I nodded, trying not to grow impatient. "I have, and he's looking into it, but he's never heard of such a thing. I don't think there is a cure."

A small sneer turned at Severus's lips. "The great Albus Dumbledore does not know the countercurse then? How novel."

"It's not a game, Severus!" I snapped at him. "It's my life. Voldemort himself cursed me."

He flinched at the use of Voldemort's name. "Then it is likely a powerful curse that only the Dark Lord can undo." He paused and gave me an oddly sympathetic look. "What is the nature of the curse, if I may ask?"

I could see Remus shift by the door, likely anticipating Severus's response. I had to tell him, though. "I've been cursed to kill James, at any cost."

I halfway expected him to smile, or laugh. He merely raised an eyebrow. "I see."

"Have you ever heard of such a thing?" I asked, hoping he might know something, anything.

He slowly shook his head. "I have not. I confess myself…intrigued."

Remus stepped forward. "Shut it, Snape. This isn't about you and James. Can you help her or not?"

Severus merely glanced at Remus before looking back at me. "How does it appear to work? Obviously you are aware of it."

I nodded. "I am. I feel it when I think of him. When I see him, I can't control it."

"So you've tried to kill him then?" Severus asked, and now the barest flicker of a smile passed across his lips, and I remembered why we were no longer friends, though it had pained us both to part.

"Twice," I told him.

"Pity," he murmured. He stepped closer and gazed into my eyes. I felt as if he were trying to read my mind, look into my thoughts to better understand. I wanted to look away, but I needed to trust him as well. I had to hope that he could help me.

He finally shook his head and looked away. "I cannot help you," he said softly, and he sounded genuinely remorseful. "The curse is laced through your mind in such a way only the Dark Lord himself could possibly untangle it. I do not have the knowledge or the skill."

My shoulders sagged and my head fell. Remus was there, putting an arm around me. Severus turned back and frowned.

"There is no other option," he said, though his voice now sounded distant. "You will have to kill Potter or likely go mad from it."

I gazed into his eyes. "If I went to Voldemort, would he undo the curse?"

Severus tilted his head. "I don't believe that it's you he wants."

"James won't turn," Remus snapped.

"Of course he won't," Severus replied, waving him away. "But if Potter were to offer himself to the Dark Lord anyway, he may lift the spell. If that was his intent in casting it."

I shook my head. "There must be another way."

"Short of Obliviating yourself to forget about him completely, I do not see what can be done." He paused. "Or you simply give in to the curse and move on with your life."

Remus stiffened next to me. "Let's go, Lily. He can't do anything for you. We'll go back to Dumbledore and figure something out."

I turned away, knowing it was indeed hopeless. It had been my only possible chance, that perhaps Severus would know some Dark Magic that could help me, but it was not to be. I was still cursed, and even going to Voldemort would not necessarily ensure the spell was lifted and James would live. Worse still, that James might go to him first in order to save _my _life: Voldemort wanted him, not me.

"Lily," said Severus as we opened the door to leave. "I am truly sorry. If there was anything I could do, I would."

I did not turn around, but merely nodded. "I'm sure you would, Severus. Thank you for your time."

"Good luck," he murmured. I shut the door, leaving behind my past for an uncertain future.

"Come on," said Remus, taking my hand. "We'll go back to my place and rest."

I let him lead me from the pub, my mind blank as I contemplated my only options: run away or go to Voldemort. Neither seemed likely to succeed, and I knew James would not accept either. He would rather go to Voldemort first, but I couldn't let that happen. The question was how.

We Apparated back to the small cottage where Remus lived. He cast a Patronus and I dimly heard him tell it that I was safe before he sent it loping to Professor Dumbledore. Then in spite of my protests, he helped me to his own bed and tucked me in.

"You're a good friend," I murmured, fatigue finally beginning to take over. "You should be with James."

"Sirius is there," he replied. He grabbed a blanket and turned to leave the room. "We'll figure this out, Lily. You will see him again."

I nodded as sleep overcame me. I didn't believe him, though. There was no hope.

**End Notes:  
**Thank you, Lea!


	5. Chapter Five: James

Chapter Five - James

When I woke, I was back in my own room, lying in bed, even more stiff and sore than before. It was light outside, and Sirius was dozing in a chair next to my bed. I groped for my glasses on the bedside table, and he woke with a start. Instead of the sympathy I might have expected, he immediately began to shout at me.

"You bloody imbecile!" he growled. "Do you have any idea what you've gone and done? Do you?"

"What the hell, Sirius?" I said, struggling to sit up. "I had to see her. You know I had to."

"In spite of what Dumbledore told you? Don't you understand what's happened?"

I shook my head, somewhat astonished at his vehemence. I wasn't sure if he was angry with me or the curse that had placed us in this situation.

"Your stupid, selfish visit up to the quarantine room triggered the curse and forced her to try and kill you again." He paused to let that sink in. "Do you have any idea what she's going through right now?"

I stared at him. "Is she all right?"

"Of course not!" he roared. "She's not all right. She just tried to kill the man she loves, because that man is such a bloody prick he wouldn't listen to what we said and stay the hell away from her until we figured out how to break the curse."

"I didn't think she would really do it," I murmured, still slightly shocked at the force of his anger. I had seen it before, but now it was directed full force at me, and it was powerful. My ignorance shamed me, my naïve belief in the power of love over Dark magic suddenly shattered by reality: she had tried to kill me after all, in spite of everything.

"Now you know," he snapped. "She's cursed, James. This is powerful Dark magic. You're lucky she had the strength of mind to use a Reductor Curse and not a Killing Curse, otherwise you wouldn't be here."

"She couldn't," I said, clinging to one last last stubborn belief. "And she didn't, so you can stop yelling at me."

Sirius crossed his arms over his chest. "While you've been sleeping off another set of broken bones, _Prongs,_ Dumbledore has been working tirelessly all night to find some way of freeing you two from this ghastly mess you've got yourself into before one of you makes a deadly mistake. Would you like to know more about this curse?"

I shook my head, but he strode over to the bed and told me anyway. "It's a bit like the Imperius Curse, only worse. It's woven into every thought of _you_, every memory that she has of _you_: the directive to kill you. When she thinks of you, she thinks about how to kill you. When she hears you, when she sees you, she only feels the undeniable urge to take your life. She can't fight it. Strength of character, the power of love: it doesn't matter. She can't throw it off like an Imperius Curse. Ever. Eventually she will come after you."

"There must be a counter-curse." I couldn't look at him anymore, the blazing wrath of his anger finally cowing me. I understood now the undeniable danger I had put us both in when I had gone to see her. The thought that I could never see her again was unthinkable; to know that her very memories of me were stirring the need to destroy me was unbearable.

"Dumbledore doesn't think there is one," he said simply, bluntly. "He's never seen anything like it. So unless you'd like to use a Memory Charm and erase all her memories of you, you have to start accepting the truth."

"A Memory Charm?" I repeated, slightly stunned. No cure? No countercurse? Was this something we'd have to live with forever? How?

"Yes," said Sirius, and he was giving me one of _those_ looks. "We send her back to her eleven-year-old self before she came to Hogwarts and met your sorry arse. Then hopefully she wouldn't want to kill you-at least until she got to know you again."

I couldn't imagine Lily not knowing me, so I put the very thought of it from my mind. "Does she know?" I finally asked. "That there's no cure?" Sirius blew out his breath and nodded before collapsing into the chair next to me. He ran a hand through his hair and looked at me with tears in his grey eyes.

"She knows. And she ran away after she attacked you, looking for answers and trying to get away to keep you safe."

I swore as I sat up straighter. "She didn't go to Voldemort, did she?"

Sirius shook his head, and I breathed a sigh of relief. "Where is she then?" I asked. "Is she safe?"

Sirius nodded. "Yes, Remus is with her. Dumbledore is still trying to come up with a plan." He gave me a bland look. "And I'm stuck with you, although I'd much rather be out there doing something useful."

I laughed bitterly. "Me too. I need to get out of here, Sirius. I can't just let sit here while she's in trouble. I have to help her."

"Dumbledore said the best thing you can do is stay away." Sirius shook his head. "Look, I can't imagine how hard this must be for you. But think of Lily. If you go after her, you're just making it harder on her."

"Then I can search for a cure, find some way to fix this. It's my fault…" I trailed off at the look on his face.

"It's not your fault, Prongs," he said softly. "It's Voldemort's fault. He cast the spell."

An idea, probably there all along, suddenly began to grow stronger. "Then he can uncast it."

Sirius snorted. "And how do you propose to make that happen? Just walk up to him and ask nicely?"

I swung my legs over the bed, wincing from sore muscles. I needed a potion to get me going; I could not sit in bed and wait for something to happen. "No, but I think I know why he did it."

I started to pull on some clothes. Sirius just sat and watched. "Okay, why did he do it? Other than because he's a blazing maniac?"

I turned to him, suddenly certain of what I had to do. "He asked me to join him, Sirius-when we were in Liverpool. That's what he wants. So if I do as he asked, he'll lift the curse. It's as simple as that."

Sirius jumped up. "James! That's insane!"

"It makes sense," I replied, pulling on my trainers. "He doesn't want me dead, at least not yet. He wants me to suffer, yes, but more than that, he wants me to come to him and offer myself. And in return he'll lift the spell on Lily." I knew it had to be true; it was the only thing that made sense, though I still had my doubts. Voldemort did not think and act like the rest of us, after all.

"You can't join the Death Eaters," Sirius said, still slightly taken aback. "How can you even consider it?"

"Do you think I want to?" I snapped at him as I began to pace in agitation. "Do you think I want to have anything to do with Snape and Avery? But do you think I want to live knowing Lily will never feel anything but the desire to kill me again?" He was silent; he knew the answer. "No, if I go to him and offer myself, he'll lift the curse. It's what he wants. I'm sure of it."

"It's an admirable plan," came a voice from the doorway. Dumbledore stood there once more. "And you may even be correct about his intent. But you cannot be sure he will not still kill you."

"Then he kills me!" I exclaimed. "As long as he lifts the curse first."

"Voldemort is not one to keep his word," Dumbledore replied, coming into the room. "If he kills you, how do you intend to force him to keep his word and lift the curse?"

I had no answer, until something occurred to me. "Will the curse lift if I'm dead?"

"James, no!" Sirius exclaimed. Dumbledore, however, was nodding slowly.

"It may," he said. "But it's possible Lily may need to do it herself."

"Then if he kills me-whether the curse lifts or not-at least Lily is free from having to do it herself," I said. It was right. It made sense. I could spare her that much at least. "I have no choice."

I turned to Sirius, who had a sad but understanding look on his face, and gripped his hand. "I'm sorry, mate. You'll have to explain it to her. Tell her I love her. Tell her I'm sorry. And keep her safe." I turned to go, leaving him speechless.

"Your sacrifice is noble, James," said Dumbledore as I passed him by. "But there may be another way."

I took a breath and turned back to him. "What is that, sir?"

Dumbledore raised an eyebrow. "One trick I don't believe you ever pulled in all your years at Hogwarts."

Sirius came to stand next to me, and he was giving Dumbledore a slightly annoyed look. "This isn't a game, Professor."

"Oh, I am very much aware of what is at stake, Sirius," he said softly. "But sometimes one must risk even death in order to live."

Somehow I knew what he implying, what he was suggesting, and I nodded before he had even voiced the idea. "I'll do anything, sir. Whatever it takes."

"What are you planning?" Sirius demanded, glancing back and forth between us. "What did I miss?"

"Lily won't have to kill me," I said, still holding Dumbledore's gaze.

"Why not?" he asked. "Because you're going to let Voldemort do it? James, I can't let you-"

"No," replied Dumbledore. "I will do it."

My fate was in his hands. I would do anything to free Lily of the curse-even die.


	6. Chapter Six: Lily

Chapter Six - Lily

I walked through the corridors of Hogwarts, my mind awash with memories of my time there. It had been less than a year since I had left, and yet it felt so very different to be back. _I _was so different now. I recalled my first year as a nervous Muggle-born, being Sorted into Gryffindor, meeting a group of arrogant first-year boys I'd quickly come to hate but later grow to love. I remembered choosing my classes third year and finally getting to visit Hogsmeade. Fifth year had brought more changes: I was made prefect with Remus, O.W.L.s took over our lives, and my friendship with Severus finally began to fall apart.

And then things had truly started to change. James Potter wasn't quite the complete prat he had been for five years. We kissed sixth year, impulsively and without consequence, both of us too awkward to really say anything about it afterward. When he was made Head Boy our final year, I wasn't quite sure what to do or think: but he proved himself up to the job, and I finally saw what I had failed to see before: courage, loyalty, and more than anything, he loved me. Unconditionally.

Yet even as I remembered those first heady days with James, sneaking around and trying to understand our blossoming relationship, I was assaulted by the undeniable need to kill him once more. It was so powerful that I gasped and stumbled. Remus caught my arm, steadying me with concern in his eyes.

"Dumbledore has a plan," he murmured. "It's just a bit further. You can make it."

I could only nod. Fortunately, most of the students were in class at that time, so the corridors were empty. Still, I wished I had James's invisibility cloak; I did not want to run into anyone and have them see me in such a state.

We did not come across anyone, though, until we came to the spiral staircase leading to the Headmaster's office. Professor McGonagall was there and immediately took me in her arms. It was a rare show of affection from my former Head of House, and though she too was in the Order of the Phoenix, I did not see her that often anymore. I was comforted by her embrace, even if it was born of pity.

We continued up the stairs and into Professor Dumbledore's office. He was standing at the window, his arms behind his back. He turned when he heard us, but he did not smile.

"Lily," he said, nodding at us to enter. "I'm glad you came."

"Remus said you had some news, sir," I replied. "A plan, perhaps."

He gave me a very direct look. "I have been working hard to find a solution to your problem, some way to break the curse you're suffering."

"Have you found anything?" I asked hopefully.

He shook his head. "Unfortunately, it is not a curse known to other wizards. It is likely born of Voldemort's own twisted magic, which means the only way to lift the curse would be for Voldemort to do so himself. He alone crafted it and he alone can untangle it from your mind."

I nodded, because I had suspected as much, particularly after speaking with Severus. Still, it felt like I had been kicked in the stomach. I could feel Remus stiffen beside me, and I reached out to take his hand to support us both.

"However," continued Dumbledore, "since that is obviously out of the question, then we must consider other alternatives. I believe I have found the only other possible solution to your dilemma."

I closed my eyes, dreading the possibilities. The only solution I could see was to leave-to get as far away from James as possible. And even then, I knew someday my tainted memories of him would drive me to find him, until I likely went mad or died trying. It was not a future I wanted to live out.

"You could of course leave the country, flee to the other side of the world," Dumbledore said, voicing my very thoughts, and I held back a sob at the thought of such exile. "But you know better than I that the curse would only draw you back here in time."

"Yes, sir," I whispered, because he was right. He was only confirming all the terrible conclusions I'd come to on my own.

"The curse is wound through your memories of James," he continued. "Even when you think of him, you feel its pull. When you see him, it is impossible to resist." He paused and took a deep breath, piercing me with his deep blue eyes. "I believe the only hope we have would be to erase your memories of him. If the curse has no memories of him to cling to, you should not feel any impulse to kill him when you see him next."

I stared at him, stunned. Severus had mentioned something similar when we had gone to him, but I had not seriously considered it. Remus seemed equally shocked, glancing back and forth between us. He was the first to speak.

"There has to be another way," he said, softly. "You can't just take away her life with him. They're supposed to get married!" His voice cracked at the end, and I looked at him, touched by his compassion for us.

"I understand, Remus," said Dumbledore, and he sounded truly regretful. ""It is not an ideal solution by any means, but I see no other way." He came to stand before me, placing his hands on my shoulders. "I can do my best to erase only the memories of James, but I may have to take other memories as well. You have known him since your first year at Hogwarts, after all."

"So I'd forget everything I know about magic?" I asked, suddenly flashing back to my first year, to arriving as an untrained Muggle-born gazing around in awe. I couldn't do that. I'd learned too much to give it up now.

"Anything that is lost, you could relearn," Dumbledore said. "I will teach you myself. And Lily." He smiled sadly. "You will meet James again and may even fall in love once more as well."

"But I might not," I whispered. "It took us years to get to this point." I took a deep breath, voicing my worst fear. "And what if he doesn't love me again?"

"Although I doubt it any sort of possibility, it may be a risk you have to take," Dumbledore said softly. "In order for you both to stay alive."

That was it, then: love or life? I could not justify sacrificing James's life to hold on to my love for him. I had to take the risk, that once my memory was gone, I could relearn all I had lost, and that perhaps we would find one another again. It would be worth it, if he lived. And I wouldn't remember what I had lost, even if he did.

I nodded, but before I could say more, James burst into the room. I felt my chest constrict at the very sight of him and shook my head, no words coming from my lips as the curse began to take over my mind.

"No!" he shouted. He tried to run to me, but he seemed slow and uncoordinated; Remus stopped him easily and held him back as I edged away, trying to resist. "Don't do this! Lily, I love you! I'll go to Voldemort!"

Dumbledore moved toward James with a frown. "James, I told you not to come here! You must leave, immediately."

"I'm sorry, sir," he gasped, struggling against Remus. "But I can't let you do this. Let me go to Voldemort. I'll offer myself and he'll lift the curse and we'll be free." He looked at me with tears in his eyes. He was pale and breathing heavy, and had stopped struggling against Remus, his body limp, his voice hoarse. "Don't do this, Lily. I don't want to lose you."

"I don't want to lose you either," I whispered. "But I can't let you give yourself to Voldemort if I can save you."

"But you won't even remember me!" he cried. He staggered slightly, and it seemed Remus was holding him up as he gasped for breath. "What's the point of living if you won't even know me?"

I tried to tell him that I would meet him again, that I would fall in love with him again, but I couldn't. I couldn't speak, I could only shake my head, tears falling down my face as I raised my wand, blind impulse taking over.

"I'm sorry," I managed.

Professor McGonagall had her wand out, but I disarmed her easily. Professor Dumbledore stepped in front of James and Remus, but my wand moved on its own, my lips forming a spell I was barely aware of, and Dumbledore was thrown to the side. Remus was still supporting James, but neither raised their wand against me.

I used every last ounce of my strength to resist casting a Killing Curse. It was the hardest thing I had ever done, and I suspected it would be the last. I whispered some other foul words instead, trying to stop the curse from passing my lips and failing. A hideous jet of purple light rushed toward James. I turned away, for I could not bear to see his body fall.

I heard Professor McGonagall gasp and Remus cry out. I had done it then: I had killed him at last. Someone disarmed me, and I fell to the ground, rocking on my knees with my face in my hands. And then Professor Dumbldore was there, standing before me and helping me up.

"Minerva, get her to the hospital wing," he said softly but urgently. I let her take my shoulders and guide me out, but I stumbled, suddenly unable to stand as the staggering impulse of the curse unfurling from my mind left me breathless and weak. I stared at the lifeless body on the floor. He was dead. He was truly dead. Remus did not look at me as Dumbledore knelt beside him. I hung my head, too stunned to even cry.

Professor McGonagall walked me to the hospital wing in silence. I was in shock, but I did not care. She murmured something to Madam Pomfrey when we arrived, and the caring Healer guided me to a bed and told me lie down. I sat instead, staring blankly out the window. It was a beautiful day-bright and sunny-and a few students wandered about the lawn now, some hand in hand, all completely ignorant of the murder that had just taken place within the castle.

Because that's what it was: murder. I was a murderer, a killer. I should have been able to fight it. I should have gone to Voldemort instead, or let Dumbledore take my memories before James had been able to protest. Yet I hadn't: my choices had lead me to murder. I had killed him, and my shame and guilt would stay with me forever.

"Will you be calling the Ministry?" I asked as Madam Pomfrey bustled over me. Professor McGonagall looked surprised.

"Whatever for, dear?" she asked.

"To arrest me for murder," I replied, my voice dead.

"Don't be ridiculous!" she exclaimed. "You're no murderer. You were under the influence of a terrible curse."

"There's no way to prove it," I replied, looking down at my hands.

"Why not? We all saw it with our own eyes." She paused. "Are you saying you no longer feel it then?"

I nodded, the tears finally starting to fall. Madam Pomfrey put a comforting arm around my shoulder and I sobbed into her robes. Professor McGonagall handed me a goblet from the bedside table and I willingly took it, hoping it would send me into a dreamless sleep. A part of me never wanted to awaken.

"It's gone," I said. "I can think of him." I tried to take a deep breath as my voice shook. "And I don't feel anything. He's dead." I stopped and looked down at my hands, unable to go on.

"You'll be all right now," Madam Pomfrey said, gently forcing me to lie down. She pulled a blanket up to my shoulders. "You need some rest after what you've been through. Things will look better when you wake."

I did not know how she could possibly believe such a thing, but I curled up and fell asleep almost instantly, wishing she was right.

* * *

I woke several hours later, screaming as I fought my way out of a nightmare. I shot up, throwing the blankets off, gasping for breath as a firm hand tried to steady me. I threw myself backward, frantic.

"Lily!" Sirius exclaimed, reaching toward me again. "It's all right. It's just me. Calm down."

I closed my eyes and tried to steady my racing heart. When I opened them again he was watching me with an apprehensive look, like I was dangerous. Which I was. I settled back to my bed, looking away. I had killed his best friend; he must hate me, even if he understood why.

"I'm fine," I finally murmured. "Just a bad dream."

He sat down on the edge of the bed, much like he had at St. Mungo's, but when he reached for my hand, I pulled it away. He frowned.

"It's all right," he said softly. "I know what happened. It's over now."

"It's not all right," I said, shaking my head and willing the tears away. "I shouldn't be here. I should be in Azkaban by now, or dead myself-"

"Lily!" he exclaimed, and this time he took my hand and forced me to look at him. "Don't say that. Don't ever say that. You are not a criminal."

"Yes, I am," I said. "I killed him, Sirius. I killed the man I man I love, the man I wanted to marry. I couldn't stop myself, but that doesn't make it any less real. He's still dead."

To my shock, a small smile tugged at the corners of his mouth. I frowned, wondering how he could possibly find any humour in my predicament, but his smile only grew at the expression on my face.

"You're not a murderer," he repeated, "because you didn't kill him."

I stared at him as if he'd lost his mind. Did he really not know? Or was he in denial? "Sirius, I cast the spell. I saw him fall, and I felt the curse break. James is dead."

"No, I'm not," said a voice from behind a nearby curtain. I gasped as James appeared and walked slowly toward my bed. I thought I was seeing a ghost, and though I wanted to jump up and run to him, instead all I could do was watch him, hardly daring to breathe, to believe it was actually possible.

"I don't understand," I whispered as Sirius stood to let James sit with me. Professor Dumbledore and Professor McGonagall were suddenly there with Madam Pomfrey as well, and Remus was standing by Sirius's side, the pair of them grinning. "You're alive. But the curse…"

James took my hands and grinned. "It's gone. At least, you don't want to see me die again, do you?" He was pale and peaky and seemed weak, somehow. And something about his words…

"Again?" I asked. "You mean, you actually died? But how are you here then? I tried not to use a Killing Curse, but that spell still should have killed you. I felt you die." I was confused, and they all seemed amused at my bewilderment.

"I'm afraid I must take credit for that," said Professor Dumbledore. "Seeing as you did not kill him, but I did."

"What?" Once more I shook my head, still completely perplexed. "Please tell me what's going on before I have to jinx one of you."

They smiled and I laughed nervously. Relief was gradually starting to replace my shock and confusion, and I finally squeezed James's hands as he began.

"Professor Dumbledore gave me a potion," he said with a shrug. "And I died."

Professor Dumbledore stepped forward. "Actually, it was more of a tincture. Primarily foxglove, to ensure his heart would stop."

I stared at him, trying to think of what such a thing would do to a man. "But what happened your office!" I exclaimed. "He was fine, he was alive, and then he collapsed. I didn't see him take anything."

Dumbledore nodded. "He took it before you came, and I added a touch of sunflower extract to ensure the timing was just right."

"But why didn't he have any other symptoms?" I asked. "Nausea, vomiting, tremors?"

Dumbledore winked. "A bit of dandelion milk to coat the stomach, ginger to suppress the vomiting."

"Didn't really work," James mumbled. "I was sick as a dragon before you came in."

"But I still don't understand," I protested. "I cast a spell at you and you died! I felt the curse unwind. How could that happen?"

"I blocked the spell," said Sirius, pretending to polish his knuckles on his chest. "From under the cloak, of course."

"And I stunned him from behind," added Remus.

"And we were fortunate enough that the poison stopped James's heart mere seconds later," said Dumbledore. "You felt it as you were walking out, I believe."

I nodded, and as the full impact of what had happened finally began to sink in, I threw my arms around James's neck and held tight. "You actually died for me," I whispered.

"I had to," he replied just as softly, pulling back and tucking a strand of hair behind my ears. "It was the only way. Dumbledore gave me the antidote as soon as you left. I'll admit it wasn't the most pleasant experience I've ever had." He grimaced, and I sensed there was more to it then physical discomfort. "But I would do it again. For you."

"When I cast the spell I thought it killed you. But it was when you died from the poison that the curse actually broke." I glanced at Dumbledore. "But what if it hadn't worked?"

"I was reasonably certain that the curse was not reliant upon your hand actually striking him down," Dumbledore replied, his hands behind his back, "but on your sincere and complete belief that you had, in fact, done so."

"Then why did James have to actually die?" I asked.

"I keep wondering that myself," James murmured with a crooked smile.

"Because Voldemort was clever enough to ensure that faking James's death would not break the curse," Dumbledore said. "A Draught of Living Death might make it appear as if James had died, but somehow he linked James's actual life force to the spell, so that it only broke if he died, and only if you killed him-or at least, fortunately for us, if you believed that you had. Belief in something, even in something that is not real, can be just as powerful as the knowledge of what is actually true."

I had believed it. For what felt like an eternity I had been certain that I had killed the man I loved. It had never even occurred to me that it could be anything other than what it was. And yet now, looking back, I could see the clues: James staggering in breathless and pale, Dumbledore ushering me out so quickly, Madam Pomfrey telling me everything would be all right.

She had been right. They had all known. They had all risked much to save me-to save James. And it had worked. We were alive, and we were free of the curse. Voldemort had not won: we had.

I smiled for the first time in days and once more wrapped my arms around James. He grinned against my lips as we kissed, and I heard Sirius snigger behind us but ignored him.

"Thank you," I finally said, first to James, and then to all the others. Dumbledore inclined his head, and I'm fairly certain Professor McGonagall wiped her eyes. Remus and Sirius also nodded silently and stepped back.

"We'll leave you two alone for a while," Remus murmured. He tugged Sirius away, and I heard him protest. Professor McGonagall shooed them out, while Dumbledore lingered one more moment.

"I am glad to see you both safe," he said, gazing down on us with what I could only think was genuine fondness. "I would not wish such a curse on anyone. You both handled it with remarkable courage."

"Thank you for your help, sir," James replied, standing to clasp his hand. "Even if you did have to poison me."

"You did a brave thing, James," Dumbledore replied. "You took a great risk placing your life in my hands like that."

"I knew you would be there, sir," James said. "And I had nothing to lose."

"Indeed," he murmured. "Lily, I hope you will not blame yourself for anything. You were under the influence of a terrible curse-"

"I know, sir," I interrupted him. I was finally starting to understand, and to believe as well. It was as if the curse lifting also relieved some of my guilt and shame. "Thank you for what you did. I don't know how we can ever repay you."

Dumbledore raised his eyebrows. "An invitation would be nice." He winked and turned away, leaving us alone once more.

"An invitation to what?" I asked James, and he grinned.

"I assume he means our wedding," James replied.

My eyes widened. "James! We can get married again!" We kissed once more, until I laid my head on his shoulder, content.

"I honestly didn't think I would ever see you again," I said, almost thinking out loud. "I certainly didn't think we'd be able to get married."

"I meant what I said out there, Lily," he murmured in reply. "I love you and I always want to be by your side." He pulled back and held out a simple gold band set with a diamond and two emeralds. "Will you still marry me?"

I swallowed and nodded, and he slipped the ring on my finger. "Where did you get it?" I asked. "Or rather, when?"

"I've had it for a while," he replied as we both gazed at it. "It was my grandmother's on my father's side. I asked Sirius to pick it up for me while Dumbledore was brewing that tincture. I wanted you to have it as soon as the curse lifted."

"You were that sure?" I asked.

"If it didn't work, I told him to give it to you anyway," James replied.

I made a face at him. "Not with a proposal, I hope." He laughed, and I joined him, feeling better than I had for days.

"I can arrange it you really want," he teased. "Next time I die for you." He stopped almost as soon as he said it, realizing how grim his words sounded.

"Please don't let there be a next time," I murmured. He wrapped his arms around me and kissed my head.

"I won't," he whispered. "I promise."

I smiled, holding back tears and the lump in my throat. "Then I accept again. I will marry you, James Potter."

And for that moment, everything was right again, and the darkness seemed worlds away as we once more looked forward to our life together. Nothing would keep us apart, not even death.

**End Notes:**

Thank you so much to Lea/mugglegirlmarauder for reading this over and leaving such great comments. And thank you to everyone who has read and reviewed this story. I am so thrilled with how it's turned out and been received. It started with a short drabble and ended as a short story and was a great experience to write. I hope you enjoyed how it turned out, as bittersweet as those last few paragraphs may be. At least they have a short time together. *sniff*


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